My wife and I went out of town last weekend. Sometimes you just need to retreat for a few days after you have journeyed through a difficult season. It was a good trip, full of food, fun and rest. We also got to enjoy a little of the beautiful fall colors God is painting in the mountains this time of year.   

Throughout the trip there were times I became quiet though. I later told my wife the reason for my moments of distance; it took me a little time to put into words what I had been feeling. The trip was filled with brief moments of just wanting to talk to mom. Grief would pop it’s head up just to say hello. This was the first trip I have taken since she left. 

Any time I would take a trip I would always call and check on mom. It was strange and sad not being able to do that this trip. And there were also a lot of times I just wished she was there to enjoy the moment. I’m sure I’ll have many more of these moments over the next year. Anytime there’s a first…a first holiday without her, a first birthday she’s not there, a first Mother’s Day, a first trip to the beach she doesn’t get to come on. (Mom loved going to the beach) All of the firsts will be difficult. 

If I’ve learned anything through these moments of grief it’s how to rely more on God. After all, mom is with Him now so why not ask Him for the strength to continue on. Psalms 61:2 says, “From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”