Month: March 2022

A Good Christian Man

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I’ve been going to a Christian men’s group recently. It’s not really a bible study or prayer group. I’ve been to those and they are great and all but not something I am looking for. This is more about the specific struggles of being a man. We talk about our past and how that shaped us and so forth. I would compare it to something like mixing John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart with group therapy. 

Recently, I have been thinking about my dad. He passed away a few years ago. We didn’t really have a relationship at the time of his death. I didn’t hate him or have any ill will against him. There was just not a father/son connection there. I wish he would have had a men’s group to go to when I was younger. Maybe some part of our relationship could have been redeemed. But the men in our church were too perfect. No man wanted to help another man who was publicly struggling. The other men were too busy being good Christian men.

Growing up in an evangelical Baptist church I thought I knew what being a good Christian man was about. A good Christian man has it all together. A good Christian man doesn’t struggle or sin. A good Christian man doesn’t drink or curse. A good Christian man wears a suit to church. A good Christian man is pretty much perfect. These are the lessons I learned as a kid from the men of our church. These are the things I thought I had to master so that I too could become a good Christian man. 

My thoughts have changed a lot over the years about what it means to be a man who follows Christ. I think the image of a holier than thou good Christian man who has it all together is a harmful image. We are all broken in the process of being redeemed. Men have the stigma that we don’t like to talk about our wounds and how they have shaped us. But I know this for a fact; ALL men have wounds and these wounds have impacted their lives. The sooner we can be honest about our own brokenness; the sooner Christ can redeem those parts of our lives and guide us to be the man we are meant to be. 

Key takeaway: All men struggle; do not trust any man who acts like they don’t. And I don’t blame the other men in my childhood church for my father’s mistakes. I just wish they would have tried to reach out to him, rather than casting him aside. 

Money vs. God (Do I have to sell all my possessions to follow Christ?)

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I’ve been thinking about getting a new car. Mine is about 10 years old and it has seen better days. Seems like the maintenance guys want $600 every six months to keep it in decent condition. I don’t really know what I want. Maybe a Jeep Gladiator or one of those new Broncos are nice. Maybe I will hang on to my car for a while longer. I have grown fond of not having any car payments. Sometimes I think about wanting a bigger house. I don’t have a man cave so I feel like I am missing out. I got a new computer last year so I’m good there. It may be time to get a new phone though. 

Sometimes I want more stuff. And more stuff means more money.

Money is what drives our society, is it not? Everywhere we go there are messages that tell us we need more money so we can get more things. 

I went to small group last night and we were doing a discussion on James chapter 5. I honestly don’t know if i have ever read that chapter before. Basically, James writes this book about how to be spiritually mature. And chapter 5 starts out talking about trusting in money and rather than trusting in God. And James is totally laying into these people about their obsession over money. There are a ton of discussions in the Bible about money vs God. Probably, because it’s easy for us to substitute money for God. Especially in our western culture.

I went to a very charismatic mega church after I graduated college. It was located in one of the richest cities in Tennessee in one of the richest counties in the United States. Everything in the church was nice. All of the pastors wore fancy suits and drove expensive cars. One time I was invited to a cookout at one of the pastor’s homes. It was a multimillion dollar home in a gated community with other multimillion dollar homes. I think at that point I started questioning why I was going there. I wrestled with the opulence that was paraded by the leadership of the church. I couldn’t picture Jesus going to that church. 

Is having money wrong? No. Is having a lot of money unChristian? I don’t believe so. Is wanting new things a sin? Nah. I kind of believe the more money you have though the harder it is to connect with God. It’s easy to learn to depend on our money. It’s easy to get our affirmation from our status in life, from where we live, what we drive, where we send our kids to school, how much we make. 

So should we sell everything we have and give it to the poor? I don’t know. I know Jesus told one guy that. I think it’s about our hearts and the things we strive after. If we put our income, our possessions, our social status …if these things are the driving focus in our lives then we are missing the mark. It’s something that we should always wrestle with so we keep our hearts in check. I am constantly asking myself why I want more things. Theres no right or wrong answer.

“If you make this amount then you aren’t following Christ.” That’s not true.

But it’s about the desire of your heart. Is your heart chasing after God or money? If you lost it all could you still worship God like Job did? I pray that may be the case for all of us. And I pray that what ever things we are blessed with we use to bless others. 

Sidenote. Any pastor in a multimillion dollar gated community… I don’t know, I just don’t know if I could ever believe in their brand of Christianity.