I’m not really that big on religion. Don’t get me wrong, I’m trying to follow Jesus and all. But as we all know it’s not about religion, it’s about relationship. Saying some prayer or getting sprinkled with any amount of water will not get you into the gates of heaven. A relationship with Him is the ticket.

The theme of relationship is one of the main points in the gospels. There’s the whole instance where the guys ask Jesus what’s the most important commandment. Jesus says Loving God and loving others. Basically, having a relationship with God and having relationships with others. That’s the key to the Kingdom of God. Then there’s that part where Jesus tells the folks how they should pray to God. He uses the word Father when talking to God, because that’s how he wants us to relate to him. Also the situation when Jesus says anyone that’s following Him is his brothers and sisters and mother.

Relationships are complicating. They have the ability to tear us down and lift us up. My New Years resolution is to invest more time in my relationship with God. (In reality, i don’t make resolutions. I consider them to be more like things i want to improve upon.)

Relationships with others are quiet different from my relationship with God. I can invest all of the time in the world in a relationship with another person, but if they aren’t putting forth any effort the relationship will be going no where. Let’s say I’m trying to woo this young woman. Hypothetical of course. (and yes I said woo.) I can call her, and buy her flowers, and spend time with her, cook for her…but if she constantly pushes me away the relationship would be going nowhere. In relationships with others both people have to be invested.

It’s different with God though. He’s already invested his whole self into a relationship with us. The burden falls on us to make the relationship grow. I drop the ball alot on my relationship with God. I know that praying and reading the Bible are some ways that I can deepen my relationship with Him, but there are more. I think that the whole loving God and loving others are to loves that have to be linked. I can’t just love God and not love others. My relationship with God will call me into loving others. My love for God will call me to love my enemy and my neighbor just the same. My love for God will call me to put my love into action when confronted with those affected by poverty, neglect, disease, and war. My love for God will not allow me to sit back and watch injustice go on. My love for God will afffect how I love others.

Scientists say that everyone has dreams. Some people remember their dreams occasionally and others do not remember theirs at all. I, on the other hand, remember most of my dreams. I mean, out of 7 nights of sleep I will remember dreams from 5 or 6 of those nights.

Sometimes my dreams can be pretty normal and relate to something I am experiencing in real life. Sometimes my dreams are about things that are totally random. For instance, the other night I dreamed I was back in college. In my dream I was the owner of a black Ford F-150. My friend owned a Jeep. He liked my truck and I liked his Jeep so we just decided to trade. Simple transaction. But after we traded, I put the Jeep in neutral and left it on the side of a hill. Not the smartest move. Well, my Jeep rolled down the hill into a river where it sank. Then I became vehicle-less. If my subconscious is trying to tell me something through that dream, I have no idea what it is supposed to be.

I have a lot of dreams, or goals if you will, that I want to achieve in my life. I think goals are a good thing; they can inspire you to rise above circumstances and accomplish something you want to do. I think that some dreams are given to us by God. Some things He has specifically given to us to accomplish.

Some things I want to do in life include write a few books, finish my graduate degree, become a counselor, have a wife and children, maybe do some relief work in another country. These are just some of the more prominent ones.

Lately, I have been thinking about these dreams of mine and wrestling with their importance in my life. Are the goals my number one priority or is the Giver of those goals? Am I placing my dreams above my relationship with Him?

Yes, I would love it if each of my dreams happened. And I totally think that God deserves the glory and honor in each of these dreams. I just know how sometimes I get consumed and forget that it’s about Him and not my own goals.

I know that Psalms says to delight in God and He will give you the desires of your heart.

God is supposed to be my delight, not the chasing of my dreams. Yes, these dreams can be good. Having a wife and children is great, but it dishonors God if I put my desire for a family above my desire for Him.

I want to understand more what it means to fully delight in Him. I want to lay whatever goals and dreams I have down before Him and say they are His. I want to be open to whatever plan He has for my life.

I believe that if my number one desire is Him, He will take care of the rest. Now I just gotta work on patience.

Okay, I am trying to come up with some clever story to lead into what I want to write about but I am coming up empty handed. I thought about opening up with a story about how I like to look up definitions for new words I come across. Yeah, it may sound a little dorky but I’m okay with that. I also thought about stating a bunch of random ideas about boxes. Yes, I said boxes. The folded cardboard creations one uses to store items in. When I was in college they also doubled as furniture. But the subject of boxes gets really boring really fast.

With no lead-in story, unless that first paragraph can be counted as one, I’m just deciding to jump into what’s on my mind.

I think we all have at some point had a problem with putting things in boxes. I think we all have struggled with definitions.

I know I have defined someone before I have had a chance to get to know who they really are. I try no to do it. Sometimes labeling others just seems so easy, does it not? Dork, Conceited, Shy, Weird, Dumb, Jackass, Promiscuous, etc. Labels can be passed out just by glancing at someone. You don’t have to get to know someone before you put a definition on their life. We can just look at someone, label them, and then decide if this label is a person we would associate with or not associate with.

One thing I have come to learn is that preconceived labels really don’t hold up when you start to get to know someone. People are much more complicated than one word can sum up.

We tend to only associate with those people in which we have many things in common. We tend to not associate ourselves with the labels that we find undesirable. There have been many times before where I have placed someone in a box (metaphorically) before I had a chance to know them. Then when I actually sat down and conversated with the person, I realized how stupid I was for placing them in the box. (Don’t tell me conversated is not a word)

I don’t think God wants us to place people in boxes or give the labels. I think He thinks we are all equals. Even though He made us equals, I think He made us where we each bring something unique to the table. Maybe so we can each learn from each other. I like being around people who I don’t have that much in common with. Though, I don’t do it enough. They challenge me and cause me to grow.

Can I tell you something? Let you into my world a little? Thanks for saying yes.

I have been somewhat frustrated as of lately. Unappeased. Vexed, if you would. Why? Could it be something at work that’s bothering me? No, not really. I mean, there are things I don’t enjoy about my job but those are not the source of my frustration. School troubles, perhaps? Besides procrastinating too much on my reading, school is going fine. Lady troubles then? Um, …no.

I have been kind of frustrated spiritually lately. Really, I don’t know how to explain it. I’m not frustrated with God or anything like that. I guess it may be more of being frustrated with myself or how my relationship is going with Him.

I know first hand that relationships are only as deep as the amount of time you invest in them. I have been reading my Bible more lately than I have in awhile. I have been praying more than I have in awhile.

I have been going to church, not that I believe church attendance has anything to do with spiritual growth. I mean, it can foster growth but it is not essential.

I know I don’t feel challenged that much at church lately. Sometimes I get bored with the same messages over and over. How to Step Out in Faith. How to Put Others First. And so on. I mean, I have been hearing these things all of my life. I guess sometimes I think of the sermons at church as selfish, meaning that they are only telling me how “I” can become a better Christian. I am tired of living a faith that is just about how to better myself.

Sometimes my mind starts to wander while I am setting in church and I think, “There are children being recruited by rebel groups to kill in Africa and there are people alone on the streets in my very own city. What am I doing here listening to a message about How to Encourage Others when I should be out there right now trying to make a difference for God?”

It’s very easy and comfortable to have a faith that just requires you to sit in a pew or chair at church. It’s more challenging to get up and do something.

But that’s the kind of faith I want to have. One that involves action. A kind of faith that makes a difference in the world. A kind of faith that reaches people and lifts them up. Not a passive faith that requires little effort on my part. I want an active faith that challenges me to actually do the things that Jesus would have me to do.

A few weeks ago I went to go speak at a devo for the guys in my old fraternity. The week before I went, I really had no idea what I wanted to speak about. I had talked to a friend a few days before I went and he suggested I talk about commitment. In the end, I decided not to talk about commitment but ever since then that word has been on my mind.

Commitment is a rare thing. It seems that being fickle almost comes natural.

Jesus addresses the concept of being committed alot in the gospels. There’s His whole speech about hating your father and your mother. “Hey guys, you are either fully committed to me, or your not. You can’t just dip you toes into the water or wade in the shallow end; you either need to dive in or get out of the pool.”

Last night I was reading about when Jesus was sending out the disciples. He tells them they are going to be arrested and beaten and they still go. That’s commitment.

I guess when you truly care about someone; you put them first no matter the cost. When you care about someone you are faithful and consistent. There’s not a sense of being lukewarm or flighty.

You are either all in or all out. At least that’s what Jesus understood a relationship with Him to be about. “There is no ‘you love me’ one day and ‘you are not sure’ the next. I’m either all or nothing.”

Maybe He’s saying something about how we should be in our relationships with others as well.
I tend to not see many things in black and white, except commitment. If I care about something or someone, I will show it by my devotion. If I am fickle, then I am showing how much this something or someone really doesn’t matter to me.

I want to be more committed in my relationship with God. I want to be all in no matter what. I want to be more committed in other areas of my life as well.

Have you ever had one of those moments? The kind where you knew you were supposed to do something, but you didn’t do it? I call them Adams. Why Adams, you ask? After Adam in the book of Genesis.

One of my favorite quotes is, “Nothing in life worth having comes without some kind of fight.”I think this quote rings true in my life. Nothing worth having is easy.

The problem is my natural tendency is to take the easy road. I don’t know if it’s just a male thing or what, but the path of least resistance is often followed.

The problem with the path of least resistance is it leads nowhere.We want the fruits of labor without having to do the labor itself. We want the rewards with out the challenges. The victory without the fight. The good times without the sacrifice.

So why exactly did I throw Adam’s name into all of this? Simple. Remember when Eve was tempted by the serpent? Well, where was Adam? Why didn’t he step in and help Eve? Why didn’t he speak up? Why didn’t he do anything?

He watched the whole thing transpire, but did nothing. He was probably scared or thought “I just don’t have what it takes.” When he should have spoken up, he was silent.

Adam was in this relationship with Eve and yet he didn’t want to risk himself in the relationship. He chose the easy way out.

Contrast Adam with Boaz in the book of Ruth. Boaz could have just let Ruth slip through his fingers, because lawfully she belonged to her next of kin after her husband died. But he didn’t sit back in his own passivity. He spoke up.

I want to be more like Boaz and less like Adam. I don’t want to follow the path of least resistance. I want to risk. I want to speak up. I want to face the obstacles head on.

Looking back on my life, I guess it’s easy to see how God has worked. There have been times I have felt like Job, though. There have been times I have doubted what God was up to. To put it bluntly, there have been the questions of, “What the hell are you doing here God?” and “Where are You?” But there have also been times where I have known God would provide. There have been times where I have held tightly onto the idea that He was working despite the fact that I couldn’t see Him.

I have had those “everything happens for a reason” moments along with asking those “why” questions too.

I was involved in a discussion after class the other night about the intervening of God in the lives of men. I know, very light subject indeed. Some of us had the idea that God was there, but He wasn’t necessarily working in our everyday lives. That He was watching over us, but not playing with us like chess pieces. Some of us had the differing idea that God is very involved in our lives, orchestrating everything down to the smallest detail.I guess I lean more toward the belief that God is present and guiding me in my everyday life. I do believe in free will, though.

I do wrestle with this though. I mean, how do you tell a couple that is unable to bear children that “everything happens for a reason.” How do you tell the widow who lost her husband in Iraq that “everything works together for good for those that love the Lord.”

I have never been a fan of coincidence or chance. I do believe that there is a purpose for everything. Even though many times I question that purpose. I don’t think my life is series of random events. I don’t think that the people that I cross paths with simply come into my life (and I into theirs) because of luck.

But there are things that go on that cause me to doubt sometimes. Bad things do happen to good people. So does that mean that God made or allowed the bad things to happen?

Some things I can’t explain and I’m okay with that. To me, God operates on a much grader scale than I do. If He has the creativity and intellect to create everything in existence, He should surely be way above my level. And if He is far above me in the way He does things, then there are probably going to be times I don’t understand what He’s up to.

I am finite, He is infinite. And I’m okay with that.

Nate is my four year old cousin. I love that kid. He was adopted when he was 6 months old by my aunt and uncle who are in their 50s. Their children, who are like sisters to me, are grown and out of the house. So Nate is the baby of the family. (I used to hold this title until he came along. I am over it now though.) I love hanging out with Nate, probably because I am just a big kid. A big responsible kid who has a job and is in grad school. Lately though, Nate has been being kind of defiant. My aunt and uncle would tell him not to do something, and he would do it anyways, repeatedly. And laugh while he is doing it. Feeling more intellectual than I actually am, I tried to explain to my aunt and uncle the psychological reasoning behind my cousin’s recent behavior changes. (I need to remind myself more often that I am still studying psychology and I do not have all of the answers.)

Let me back track a second. Remember when I said that Nate was the baby of the family? Well let me rephrase that, he used to be. A little less than a year ago my cousin/sister (Nate’s sister) gave birth to her son Noah. So for about a year now, Nate hasn’t been the baby of the family. I explained to my aunt and uncle (as if I am wise or something) that Nate simply wants attention. He was used to being the center of attention because he was the youngest, and now he’s not. Now Noah is the center of attention and Nate will do anything he can to get attention – even if it means disobeying. It almost like Nate thinks he’s in some competition to gain attention. It’s been all about him for 3 ½ years and now he’s coming to understand that things have changed. And he doesn’t like it.

I can identify with Nate’s feelings a little. I mean, in some way we all seek attention. We all want to be noticed. We all want to seen as special in someone else’s eyes.

It seems unfair sometimes, that life is not about me. Life is not about what I want or need or how special I am. If life were about me I would always get what I wanted. I thought about this for awhile: What life would be like if it was all about me?

I would get bored pretty fast. I mean, if I got everything I ever wanted when I wanted it, it would get old. The feeling of anticipation for anything would be gone. Anxiety would never happen. And I think anxiety can be a good thing, if it is in the form of eagerness. It keeps you on your toes. And without being on your toes, you would be a sitting, lazy, dull sack of crap.

So life really can’t be about me, even though sometimes I wish it could. But if it’s not about me, then it has to be about something else of course. As Jesus said, life is about loving God and loving others. Period.

Think about this. God could have made this world into pretty much anything. He could have created a hell on Earth for humans. But He didn’t. He poured Himself into His creation so that we may enjoy it.

As the writer in Psalms says,
“You cause grass to grow for the livestock and plants for people to use.You allow them to produce food from the earth— wine to make them glad, olive oil to soothe their skin, and bread to give them strength.

He gave Himself, just as His son would later give Himself for the sake of others. Unselfishness.

I want to get to a point where I can look at anybody and say, “Life is not about me, it’s about you.” I’m not there yet. I still deal with selfishness on a daily basis. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in my life, trying to sort everything out and trying to arrange for a kind of life that I want to have. But there’s this whole other way of life that God presents. Whoever wants to gain life must first lose it. Die to yourself. His way is something that seems so strange and difficult, but I know during those moments where I am putting others before myself I get a glimpse of peace. When I am living a life not about myself, that’s when I can start to experience this kind of full life that God has in store.

If tell my cousin Nate that life is not about him, I doubt he will understand. “Nate no you cannot get your way. You just are not that important.” This is probably not good for a child’s self esteem. He would grow up with a lot of issues. But I know for myself, I need to be an example of how putting others first is a good way to live.

I was out on the beach the other night by myself. Sometimes I kind of like spending a little time alone, just collecting my thoughts. I am in no means anti-social or in the pre-stages of becoming a crazy hermit that lives in a cabin in the woods by myself. But just here lately it seems like those alone times in which I truly connect with God have been few and far between. It’s so easy just to get wrapped up in everything going on and everyone around you, but sometimes it can be good just to sit back and rest.

Back to the beach story, so it was night, I was alone, and I was on the beach. The stars seemed unusually bright that night, partially because of the lack of clouds getting in the way. Also, the moon was not out. That’s what they call a New moon. (Why ‘new’ moon? I mean I get ‘full’ moon but not ‘new’ moon. They should have used ‘no’ moon or ‘absentee’ moon.) Well, I laid back and tried to count the stars. I could not. There were too many. Some were brighter than others; some seemed to be closer together.

I was immediately reminded of the verse. But I had to go look it up later because though I may remember the emphasis of the verse, I am terrible at memorizing.
Psalm 8:3 “I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, Moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder, Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?” (The Message)

These things than shine in the night sky, these things that God says He can count each one and give them a name. These wonderful things He views as less important than we are. He can fashion such wonderful and awe inspiring things as stars but He still concerns Himself with us. Why? I know that sometimes I can be so stubborn. I can be selfish. I screw up so many times. I can be rude, unforgiving, and non chivalrous. ( I really hate it when I am non chivalrous.) Right now I am kicking myself because I recently acted like a total jerk to someone. Yet, despite all of our flaws, even though sometimes we don’t shine as bright as the stars, God still wants a relationship with us.

Amazing.

I also thought about this while I looked at the stars. Every star had its own place in the night sky. Each one occupied its own territory. Some shined brighter than others. Some were closer together than others. But each one shined. And each one had it’s role to play in being apart of the darkened sky. For a moment the stars reminded me of people. Not certain people per se, but just people in general. How we each have our own place in life. (insert cliche/cheesy sentence next) How we each have the ability to shine in our own way. How that even though we are all different individuals, we all are connected. We are all part of some larger story.

And then I thought of those people who live in a state of feeling alone. Those who would like to connect, but just don’t know how. Those who feel like they are the dimmest in the sky. I guess these are the people who need to be shone the love of God.

One of the most favorite people in my life is my grandmother. She is the only living grandparent I have. She is your typical Southern, conservative, set-in-her-ways type of woman. We talk alot mainly because I like to joke around with her. She has a good sense of humor. Also, whenever she has pushed some buttons on her tv remote and screwed it up, she calls me to talk her through getting it back working again.

Besides making chess bars, one of the things my grandmother does best is worrying. She worrys about everything. I would think that the older you get, the less you worry – but not in her case. One of her favorite sayings is, “Nothing good happens after dark.” I don’t know why she says this. She used to tell me this alot during college because I would always tell her about going out with friends. To me, alot of good things happen after dark, like Christmas caroling. I always ask her when I talk to her what’s something new she’s worrying about and she always has something new she’s losing sleep over.

In the aspect of worrying, my grandmother and I differ very much. I don’t really worry over things, or you will never get me to admit that I worry about things. I get concerned about things, but I just don’t worry that much over them.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now.” As Rob Bell would say, “be fully present” wherever you are. This seems like such a foriegn concept soemtimes. There are those that live in the past. There are those that fret over the future. But Jesus says, “Slow down. Pay attention to the now. Don’t get worked up over tomorrow or even yesterday. Live in what God is doing today.”

I don’t think that Jesus was saying that planning for the future is bad. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I know the future is ultimately out of my hands and in His. So why should I worry over something that He has taken care of?

Last night we were talking in class about how death can be a motivator to act upon something. Whether it’s reconciling a broken relationship, doing something you’ve always wanted to do, or asking that person out that has recently grabbed your attention; the idea that death could happen at any moment is a motivator to act on these things. This ties into the idea of living in the present- fully living in the present and taking advantage of every breathe you have been given- because we really never know how much longer we will have.

I know this all sounds cliche. “Live everyday to the fullest.” But sometimes cliche things are true.

It seems that this whole idea of living for today is important to Jesus. I know for myself, sometimes I get too caught up in things I could’ve done or what I should’ve said. Sometimes, even though it’s not that often, I get too troubled by what may happen or could take place tomorrow.

But the past is in the past. Learn from it, apologize about it, and move on.

The future is in the future. Plan for it, but realize it’s ultimately out of your hands.

Today is today. The moment that God has given us right now is the moment we can use for Him. Today is when we can show others love. Today is when we can love our enemies. Today is when we can become closer to Him.